I don't think I'm a smart person

Jun 15, 2025
Read for 3 mins

I’m not like everybody. Heck, I’m not like a lot of people, and as incorrect as this might sound to anyone reading this, I’m actually not as smart as you probably think I am.

And honestly? That bothers me because I have high standards for myself. I struggle with things many people seem to breeze through. I have to read something seven times before it sticks. I’ve been trying to fully understand the definition of capitalism for two months now. I get what it looks like in the real world, but not the textbook definition—which I think is important for some reason.

I always have to go back to sneak at the mnemonics I created for easy recollection. At least I can remember it now: “economy”, “private ownership”, and “production”, maybe it’s because I looked back at my notes yesterday.

I also don’t enjoy the stereotypical things that smart people typically enjoy, even though I force myself to: Chess, Scrabble, Crosswords; those things don’t interest me, really. And don’t even get me started on Sudoku.

And I know this is such a treacherous thing for me to say especially in a profession like mine that is commonly regarded as smart, analytical and maybe the opposite of everything I might have shared in this journal, but I don’t think it’s a crime that I love to write code. Matter of fact, it feels more like art to me than a scientific experiment.

On a side note, another interesting thing I do that helps my not-so-great memory, when I’m in a public place is removing the nylon label of my plastic water bottle, cos I rarely remember the position I keep mine. I guess you can say a man will always have his coping mechanisms to get him through his lemons.

I hope to share more stuff like this in my journal, I really want this to be a place I look back on years after and be like—“I really did grow”. Hopefully, I’m able to overcome this. So help me God.

Phew! I’ll see you same time next week.

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